I'm a survivor of childhood trauma, toxic family dysfunction, & addiction. I have been working intentionally to heal from my trauma and re-write my story for the past 8 years. Today, I'm living my dream of being a full-time nomad, running my business from the road, and making up the rules for my life as I go!
We all have our own life stories. They are filled with relationships and events that shape who we are and what we believe to be true about the world. Depending on our perspective and willingness to grow, our experiences can create space for negativity and patterns of playing the victim, or they can fuel a life of empowerment and continued self-development. It is the story we tell ourselves about what happens that makes all the difference.
My story begins with discovering my "mother wound”, where women have been unintentionally passing down unhealed wounds to their daughters for generations. These wounds have become part of our makeup, our DNA, our ancestral lineage. They heavily influence who we become as adults. They run deep through many generations, making it difficult to uncover their roots and understand how they impact us today. For 20 years I had felt like a prisoner to the stories I believed to be true. Life was hard. Life was disappointing. I was all alone. Success was unlikely. I was one of the unlucky ones. I was unlovable and on and on. I fell into a dark and lonely pattern. I would come to expect life to present another shitty day/experience/situation. My relationship with alcohol and recognizing myself as an alcoholic created additional layers of despair. As I look back today, it's easy to connect the dots and see how that pattern started in childhood, and as I read about the “mother wound”, I received the message, "It's not your fault,".
That was the first time anyone had ever told me "it wasn't my fault" and for the first time in my life, I realized none of it was my fault. I was just a child. I just did what was modeled to me. I had no control. But finally, I understood that none of it was my fault. This new acceptance gave me an anchor and I finally felt a small sense of grounding. I look back now and realize that this curiosity is what set me apart from the rest of my family. I realized that they had all just been going along with the stories, the patterns, and the beliefs. They didn't ask "why." They didn't question the status quo. They didn't seem to want to change anything. All I know is that when I received that message, I felt a shift. I knew I was ready for a change. It has since been a long, challenging, and emotional journey but one I'm grateful for choosing every day since.
It's not easy as a childhood trauma survivor who is used to living her life in the shadows, keeping quiet, not drawing too much attention, and playing small to vulnerably share my stories of recovery from family dysfunction and addiction. It's taken a tremendous amount of inner work to get comfortable talking about my story publicly. But, when I look back over my journey, I realize how much hearing stories of others has helped me to heal. And now sharing my story is a huge part of my healing process. If my story can help just one person who is in pain, it is worth stepping out of my comfort zone.