Conflict Doesn’t Have to Equal Abandonment: Building Healthy Relationships After Family Dysfunction
As childhood trauma survivors, many of us we will do just about anything to avoid confrontation because, from our experiences, we grew to believe conflict equals abandonment. Growing up in a dysfunctional family, I became intimately acquainted with the tumultuous dance of conflict. In this narrative, I'll share my journey through the chaos, revealing the profound impact it had on my ability to handle conflict and find resolution. As a trauma-informed coach, I've transformed my experiences into valuable insights for those recovering from similar childhoods.
Conflict Equals Abandonment, How The Message Was Rooted:
Witnessing the Storm: I vividly recall the explosive fights that punctuated my childhood, where anger and fear were constant companions. The absence of boundaries left me exposed, often caught in the crossfire or tasked with mediating the chaos. The scars of those turbulent years persisted into my teens, shaping my understanding of conflict.
Survival Skills from a Young Age: Living on the front lines, I learned to read the room, anticipate triggers, and brace myself for battle. As a child, I adapted to a life of perpetual fight, flight, or freeze. These survival tools, forged in the crucible of long-term developmental trauma, became my coping mechanisms, lingering into adulthood.
The Silent Aftermath: What followed each conflict was an eerie silence – no resolution, no reassurance. The lack of post-conflict communication left me in constant anticipation, my nervous system stuck in a perpetual "on" mode. I yearned for the elusive feeling of safety that never materialized.
Conflict Equals Abandonment: A profound belief took root: "Conflict equals abandonment." Carrying this narrative into adulthood, I found myself crippled by anxiety and overwhelm in the face of disagreement. This fear permeated every relationship, leading to a life of people-pleasing, walking on eggshells, and neglecting my own needs to avoid conflict at any cost.
Pulling Back the curtain:
For years, I dismissed my childhood as inconsequential, convincing myself that I was "fine." However, unraveling the layers of trauma brought a startling realization – my experiences lingered within me, shaping every decision and action.
Healing and Transformation:
Embracing Trauma Recovery: Acknowledging emotional avoidance as a defense mechanism paved the way for healing. Trauma recovery became a journey of shedding old survival tools and rewriting the narratives that bound me to past patterns.
The Power of Healthy Boundaries: Today, healthy boundaries are my armor. I've replaced outdated tools with skills that empower me to navigate confrontation with confidence. I can express myself, set limits, and course-correct without the looming dread that once gripped me.
The Journey to Healthy Confrontation: Confrontation is no longer a source of fear but an opportunity for growth. By moving through the pain, patterns, and stories, I've discovered a different ending – one where healing and transformation take center stage.
Forging a New Path Forward:
If you resonate with this journey, know that you're not alone. As a trauma-informed coach, I offer a compassionate space to explore your own healing. Let's break free from the chains of childhood wounds and build relationships from a grounded, whole, and healthy place. Your unique and beautiful future awaits – choose the path to healing.
Ready to embark on your healing journey? Join me in a 1:1 coaching experience, where we'll create a safe, non-judgmental space tailored to your unique needs. Together, we'll navigate the path to a future defined by your choices and well-being.